There is something definitely wrong with me

I feel like a turtle yearning to be free

To shed my weighty patterned shell

And find a life outside my burdensome cell

Getting rid of the shell is a metaphor for hope

It is a well worn, worn out, dead as a doornail trope

Anyway, feeling how the turtle would feel

The out-of-the-shell metaphor is totally unreal

Poor little turtle surgically removed from his beautiful shell

Squirming in the rain with terrified eyes–I would say a shellectomy never goes well

In fact, I’ve read in books and magazines if you remove a turtle’s shell it will kill it

Some people would say big F******g deal: turn on the stove and heat up the skillet.

At this point I need a new metaphor to help right what’s wrong with me

The turtle thing makes me want to pack up my suitcase and flee

“Life is but a dream;” that’s my new saying that will set things right

I’ll wear my pajamas 24-7 and sit in my rock-a-lounger day and night

I’ll drink wine and beer, smoke cigarettes and eat whoopee pies

and get a pet turtle, tell it jokes, and sing it lullabies