I waited in the parking lot

I was going to ask my sweetie to tie the knot

She never showed up so I went home alone

I flipped on my TV and got into the zone

Chief Ironside was rolling down a polished hall

I bet if he stood up he’d be eight feet tall

Too bad he got shot and paralyzed on vacation

However, he did quite well helping out the San Francisco police station

Suddenly there was a pounding on my door

I heard my sweetie yelling “Let’s go to the corner store!”

I answered, “If you’ll marry me, I’ll go right now.”

Sweetie said “I think I am going to have a cow.”

I got down on one knee, level with Sweetie’s belly button

I said “Don’t have a cow, I prefer mutton.”

She said: “You idiot, it’s a figure of speech.”

“You’ve got a lot to learn. They’ve got a lot to teach.”

So I enrolled in Yale University

Where I studied Animal Diversity

The first year we studied Darwin, “Green Acres,” and chicken feed

The second year we studied “Grapes of Wrath,” “Hee Haw,” and the Farmers’ Creed

The third year we studied animal naming, a giant snake from North Carolina, and the history of bib overhauls

Our last year we studied punching cows, goat exorcism, and teaching pigs how to make business calls

Sweetie still tells me she’s going to have a cow

But after all my education I don’t believe her now!