There was a rowboat on my front porch

My brother said “Give it the torch.”

My brother was an idiot who had dropped out of Sunday school

He thought he was so hip and wise and cool

He played violent video games all night long

And “Welcome to the Jungle” was his favorite karaoke song

Sometimes I could hear him singing when it was really late

I wanted to beat him to death with my figure skates

But I had graduated from Sunday school

Where Pastor Stana had taught us the Golden Rule

He would lift up his robe, raise his glass and yell “I’m gonna tell you what’s true

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you

Your mothers are hookers

And methamphetamine cookers


He burned my soul like bright red cayenne

And I learned a lesson I never forgot:

The Truth is really hot

So, I thought some more about what my brother had said

And decided to give him some ‘truth’ in bed

That night I snuck in his room

It was as quiet as an Egyptian tomb

I pulled up the sheet down by his feet

And tickled them until he started to do his laughing bleat

“Sunday school justice!” I did loudly yell

He said “Get the F**** out of here and go to hell!”