There was a rowboat on my front porch
My brother said “Give it the torch.”
My brother was an idiot who had dropped out of Sunday school
He thought he was so hip and wise and cool
He played violent video games all night long
And “Welcome to the Jungle” was his favorite karaoke song
Sometimes I could hear him singing when it was really late
I wanted to beat him to death with my figure skates
But I had graduated from Sunday school
Where Pastor Stana had taught us the Golden Rule
He would lift up his robe, raise his glass and yell “I’m gonna tell you what’s true
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
Your mothers are hookers
And methamphetamine cookers
Amen”
He burned my soul like bright red cayenne
And I learned a lesson I never forgot:
The Truth is really hot
So, I thought some more about what my brother had said
And decided to give him some ‘truth’ in bed
That night I snuck in his room
It was as quiet as an Egyptian tomb
I pulled up the sheet down by his feet
And tickled them until he started to do his laughing bleat
“Sunday school justice!” I did loudly yell
He said “Get the F**** out of here and go to hell!”