Each day I take a handful of pills

They’re not for fun or for thrills

They do things like make my heart beat

Or take down the swelling in my feet

My favorite one enables me to pee

To water the toilet regularly

They make my bladder comfy as can be

No pressures or pains haunt me

One day I took an extra heart pill

I thought it would give me a jolly good thrill

Instead of being lots of fun

I had to call 9-1-1

My heart was booming inside my chest

It put the flexibility of my rib cage to the test

The guys in the ambulance gave me a shot of Valium to calm me down

I felt like an adjective without a noun

I dreamed I was at the mall in my underpants

Marching around and trying to dance

The music was doo-wop and I was ready to trot

But nobody in the food court thought I was hot

I stood there for a minute and then vaporized into a cloud

And came back to the ambulance with a bang that was loud

Evidently the respirator had exploded in my face

And strewn torn bits of rubber all over the place

Suddenly I woke up again in a hospital in a bed

With wires and gizmos hooked up to my chest and my head

As I lay there lucky to be alive, I thought about what I’d done and how I thought I was going to die

I failed to follow my physician’s prescription–I told her I was sorry and started to cry

She told me not to worry: as long as I could pay the bill, all is ok

“Just write me a check right here, right now, right away!”

“You never know” she said, her face winkled by her professional smile

I took that to mean I was probably going to die in a little while

But I was wrong!

It happened a week ago and I’m still going strong

I’m eating grilled cheese on a paper platter

Along with a can of Coke, what else could matter?