Jingly bells, jingly bells
I hear that Santa smells
He sleeps with a herd of reindeer
In a barn filled with elves
He has no indoor plumbing
Living at the North Pole is slumming
Santa does not brush his teeth
He cleans his butt once a week
Summer at his shop is truly hell
Mosquitoes and black flies do not treat him well
However, that’s when he get his work done
But, making crying dolls and plastic guns in summer isn’t fun
So anyway, Santa is really really old
In fact, his red suit is turning gray and growing mold
His beard is stained yellow from smoking a clay pipe
His glasses are smudged and need a wipe
No matter how disgusting this old man is
He works hard and he’s good to kids
So, don’t forget to to put a cookie or two on a plate for him on Christmas Eve
Santa has an endless appetite for whatever grateful moms and dads will leave