Jingly bells, jingly bells

I hear that Santa smells

He sleeps with a herd of reindeer

In a barn filled with elves

He has no indoor plumbing

Living at the North Pole is slumming

Santa does not brush his teeth

He cleans his butt once a week

Summer at his shop is truly hell

Mosquitoes and black flies do not treat him well

However, that’s when he get his work done

But, making crying dolls and plastic guns in summer isn’t fun

So anyway, Santa is really really old

In fact, his red suit is turning gray and growing mold

His beard is stained yellow from smoking a clay pipe

His glasses are smudged and need a wipe

No matter how disgusting this old man is

He works hard and he’s good to kids

So, don’t forget to to put a cookie or two on a plate for him on Christmas Eve

Santa has an endless appetite for whatever grateful moms and dads will leave