I was trapped with no way of getting out of there

I was thinking about eating my foot, but first I’d crack open a beer

Suddenly I hard a scratching sound on my wall

I yelled, come and save me, I’m trapped and that’s not all

I got my Social Security check today and I’ll sign it over to you

I heard a muffled voice on the other side of the wall–it sounded like somebody I knew

It said: “How much is the check for, will it be worth my time?”

I said, “I know who you are: my goddamn brother who loves committing crime.”

There was only one thing I could do right then and there

Load up my gun, shoot up the wall, and give him a scare

Suddenly there was a sledge hammer coming through the wall

I said, “Oh you decided to do the right thing after all.”

But it was a 911 responder banging away

I asked, “Where is my brother anyway?

“Your brother?” asked the responder in a serious tone

“We found nobody else here. You’re all alone.”