I slammed the door as hard I could

But I forgot it was made of metal, not wood

I was hoping to smash the door into splinters

It had given me too many cold and drafty winters

It gets ice on the knob

Keeping it ice-free is a job

I use a hairdryer, alcohol, and salt

I’ve got to bring this to a halt

So, I hired a professional front door man

He keeps the knob ice-free and slams the door whenever he can

The only problem is he keeps wiping snot on the knob and the door

I don’t know if I can have him working here any more

Just as I was ready to let him go, as I was feeling pretty grim

The hairdryer went up in flames and electrocuted him

He burned through the expensive carpet on the floor

Now, I guess I guess it’s time to buy a carpet and a door