I slammed the door as hard I could
But I forgot it was made of metal, not wood
I was hoping to smash the door into splinters
It had given me too many cold and drafty winters
It gets ice on the knob
Keeping it ice-free is a job
I use a hairdryer, alcohol, and salt
I’ve got to bring this to a halt
So, I hired a professional front door man
He keeps the knob ice-free and slams the door whenever he can
The only problem is he keeps wiping snot on the knob and the door
I don’t know if I can have him working here any more
Just as I was ready to let him go, as I was feeling pretty grim
The hairdryer went up in flames and electrocuted him
He burned through the expensive carpet on the floor
Now, I guess I guess it’s time to buy a carpet and a door