Lost and Found

I’m off kilter and stumbling around

I think I’ll turn myself into the lost and found

Maybe I’ll be found by serial killer

Maybe I’ll be found by a corn flour miller

I prefer the miller to the killer anyhow

But I could be found by a serial killer miller right now

Thinking that, I climbed out of the collection bin

And with my last three dollars I bought a pint of famous cheap gin

The gin was so bad that it tasted like plastic and could burn your skin

I gulped half of it down without thinking

When the smoke came out of my mouth I realized I was drinking

Suddenly I fell to the ground

I looked at my pants and my zipper was zipping up and down

I was stricken by well-founded fear

When a scratchy voice whispered in my ear

I couldn’t understand it because I was too drunk

But judging by the speaker’s fur, it was some kind of skunk

Terrified I tried to get up and run away

But the skunk sat on my chest, ready to stay

I pulled out my knife and tried to look like a threat

The skunk snorted and said he had an appointment with the vet

He waddled off to see his doctor

I called 911 and was taken to the hospital by helicopter