I was always mumbling

It was very humbling

To have people asking me “What?”

With a look on their face as if I was smoking pot

I’d never gotten high in my life

Except that one time in Costa Rica with my wife

The dope down there is pretty powerful stuff

I met La Segua after just one puff

Luckily I was walking and not on a horse

Or she would’ve eaten me as her night’s first course

But everywhere I go more than 10 miles from here

The local monsters appear and fill me with fear

So, I stay home and watch CNN

I feel like I’m trapped in some kind of livestock pen

Then I say moo and beg for a morsel of hay

I have four legs and can’t get away