The time was right
Finally, after 70 years I will dance all night!
The nursing home has set up mini morgue out back
To accommodate every fatal heart attack
I’m ready to dance until I drop to the floor
Once I’m gone, I won’t have to pay the bills anymore!
This is my exit-this-world planning strategy
It is a great idea and perfect for me
With “Surfin’ Bird” turned up all the way
I’m having my purple juice box served on a tray
But suddenly the police burst in yelling “The is a raid.
Put down your juice, a mistake has been made.”
I drank mine down anyway
The room turned puce and started to sway
Ants on the floor spelled out my name
And a yellow raccoon started playing a game
He handed me a pinecone and said “Heads or tails.”
I said I don’t know what you’re doing, tell me the details
He told me I should come with him
He asked me, “Can you swim?”
I said “Yes,” took off my clothes, and got ready for a dunk
But we were rudely interrupted by a confetti-covered skunk
After that everything went to hell
I woke up somewhere so strange I’ve just got to tell
It was’t heaven
It wasn’t a Seven Eleven
It was a movie set somewhere outside of LA
I was a geriatric porn star working with a woman named Storny
Who was very attractive and almost made me horny
I took a handful of Viagra and we sat and hoped and prayed
That the baby boomers liked and learned from the message we conveyed:
Do it unto others & let them it unto you
You’ll have a good life and don’t forget to go “Moooo.”