Surfin’ Bird

The time was right

Finally, after 70 years I will dance all night!

The nursing home has set up mini morgue out back

To accommodate every fatal heart attack

I’m ready to dance until I drop to the floor

Once I’m gone, I won’t have to pay the bills anymore!

This is my exit-this-world planning strategy

It is a great idea and perfect for me

With “Surfin’ Bird” turned up all the way

I’m having my purple juice box served on a tray

But suddenly the police burst in yelling “The is a raid.

Put down your juice, a mistake has been made.”

I drank mine down anyway

The room turned puce and started to sway

Ants on the floor spelled out my name

And a yellow raccoon started playing a game

He handed me a pinecone and said “Heads or tails.”

I said I don’t know what you’re doing, tell me the details

He told me I should come with him

He asked me, “Can you swim?”

I said “Yes,” took off my clothes, and got ready for a dunk

But we were rudely interrupted by a confetti-covered skunk

After that everything went to hell

I woke up somewhere so strange I’ve just got to tell

It was’t heaven

It wasn’t a Seven Eleven

It was a movie set somewhere outside of LA

I was a geriatric porn star working with a woman named Storny

Who was very attractive and almost made me horny

I took a handful of Viagra and we sat and hoped and prayed

That the baby boomers liked and learned from the message we conveyed:

Do it unto others & let them it unto you

You’ll have a good life and don’t forget to go “Moooo.”