Moral Failure

Trust is a wheelbarrow full of gum and toys

It has one wheel and it’s sticky, and it makes a lot of noise

That’s why I went to Kansas

Where everybody tells the truth and nobody’s an ass

I got a motel room beside a giant field of wheat

I looked out my window looking for a treat

Suddenly a bullet shattered the glass

It looked like the the Army had thrown a .50 caliber forward pass

It was a military sniper as sure as could be

I saw his olive drab foot dangling from the branch of a tree

I thought real hard, trying to figure out why I’m a Kansas sniper target

The only thing I could think of was recently switching my shopping  from Costco to Walmart

I put up my hands and came out of my room

I was pretty sure I was going to meet my doom

Then I saw it! My son was in the tree

Holding a big sniper rifle pointed at me

I yelled, “You’re not even in the Army! What the hell are you doing?”

My son replied “Me and mom have a video of you and our neighbor Mindy screwing.”

Mom cries every time we look at it.

I’ve come to Kansas to set things right

And settle poor mom’s plight.”

I said “Wait! Check out this video on my iPhone!

It’s your mother, and she’s not alone!”

I trusted her and she trusted me

Now my son wants to murder me

My son started to cry

He shot at me again and barely missed my eye

I ran into the wheat field in my underwear, and not too far

Mindy was waiting with the getaway car

I thought to myself as we drove away and I sank into the Mercedes’ seat of leather

Why are my son and his mother watching me and Mindy doing it together?