I looked behind me

And wanted to flee

There was a caramelized onion looking my way

I looked toward the sky and started to pray

“Oh dear God, make it go away.”

My prayer was answered that momentous day

When the caramelized onion rolled away

Now I knew I had a direct line to to the Boss in the sky

I finished my coke and ordered another slice of pizza pie

With garlic, anchovies, onions and ham

Perfect blend for a guy who’d hit a religious grand slam

Now I’m wearing white robes and sandals on my feet

And telling my story to everybody I meet

Nobody cares or gives a hoot

Everywhere I go I get the boot

Maybe if I changed my robe’s color to black

And combined my religion with selling crack

The sky would open and a beam of light would come down

That I could climb to heaven and get out of this town