Dumpster

My soul is as empty as a wishing well I think my ankles are starting to swell I look out the window and there’s a cow crapping on my lawn By the time I get my gun it’s gone Now I’m hungry for a triple cheese whopper and a bucket of fries As I drive […]

Moral Failure

Trust is a wheelbarrow full of gum and toys It has one wheel and it’s sticky, and it makes a lot of noise That’s why I went to Kansas Where everybody tells the truth and nobody’s an ass I got a motel room beside a giant field of wheat I looked out my window looking […]

Sheep

My grass was growing quickly in my yard As I got older mowing it was getting too hard So, I got four sheep to chomp it down But all they wanted to do was go into town And drink all day at the local bar Then stumble home around 4.00 and steal my car Ramsy […]

Famine

There once was a crown without a head The head had been traded for a loaf of bread Times were tough and hard as nails The dogs and cats were eating their tails Then, out of nowhere the sky started raining potatoes and corn The solution to the famine had been born! I put down […]

Surfin’ Bird

The time was right Finally, after 70 years I will dance all night! The nursing home has set up mini morgue out back To accommodate every fatal heart attack I’m ready to dance until I drop to the floor Once I’m gone, I won’t have to pay the bills anymore! This is my exit-this-world planning […]

Cat

I looked out in my yard and there were birds everywhere They are all equally ugly and I don’t care I have nine cats that I turn loose every morning before ten They stalk the birds again and again They go after a bird And the bird flies away Circles around, craps on their head […]

Dog

There was a time when I could move and run Now I can move, but not so much, and its no fun My dog is old and nearly dead My nose has turned bright red It drips all the time all over my shirt At least it’s quiet and it doesn’t hurt Drip, drip, drip […]