I was looking for a donut I took a short cut Across the muddy field I came upon a bathtub with its enamel peeled In it was a goat splashing around Making his goaty sound When he saw me he stopped and said “The water’s too cold and I want to be fed.” “What do […]

Time Will Tell

I always say “Time will tell” But it means things won’t turn out well I eat a piece of cheese from off the floor “Time will tell,” need I say more? I see little red and green balls rolling across the floor Doing figure eights and rolling out the door I get the fly swatter […]


I looked behind me And wanted to flee There was a caramelized onion looking my way I looked toward the sky and started to pray “Oh dear God, make it go away.” My prayer was answered that momentous day When the caramelized onion rolled away Now I knew I had a direct line to to […]


She was like a bra married to a minister Everything was slipping, everything was sinister Hell was there, heaven was there with all the in-betweens Good and evil and so-so painted in vivid colorful scenes There was a guy in a vat with his hair on fire A lonely orphan slashing a car tire Angels […]


There is no getting past it So I might as well sit Or become elastic And do my contortion trick Where I squirm through a keyhole Or fill up a bowl Like soup or jello I will wait for the slurp And the low-noted burp    

The Joke

After all was said and done There was more to be said, for fun Not to be outdone tonight, or ever again I bought the world’s funniest joke from The Joke Man I found him on line and he takes your credit card He warns you right away that the people who hear your joke […]

Big Casino

I am flying into the wind like a stupefied duck At the Big Casino trying my luck I celebrate my idiocy by taking $200 from the cash machine It is gone in fifteen minutes, I am a mighty Philistine Sucked into every trap set toward the future As if luck were some kind of suture […]