My grass was growing quickly in my yard As I got older mowing it was getting too hard So, I got four sheep to chomp it down But all they wanted to do was go into town And drink all day at the local bar Then stumble home around 4.00 and steal my car Ramsy […]


There once was a crown without a head The head had been traded for a loaf of bread Times were tough and hard as nails The dogs and cats were eating their tails Then, out of nowhere the sky started raining potatoes and corn The solution to the famine had been born! I put down […]

Surfin’ Bird

The time was right Finally, after 70 years I will dance all night! The nursing home has set up mini morgue out back To accommodate every fatal heart attack I’m ready to dance until I drop to the floor Once I’m gone, I won’t have to pay the bills anymore! This is my exit-this-world planning […]


I looked out in my yard and there were birds everywhere They are all equally ugly and I don’t care I have nine cats that I turn loose every morning before ten They stalk the birds again and again They go after a bird And the bird flies away Circles around, craps on their head […]


There was a time when I could move and run Now I can move, but not so much, and its no fun My dog is old and nearly dead My nose has turned bright red It drips all the time all over my shirt At least it’s quiet and it doesn’t hurt Drip, drip, drip […]


Able-bodied big hard body Wearing canvas trainers; very shoddy Sweat pants from Salvation Army I think he’s wearing them just for me But inside my brain I cannot see a thing Although I hear beanstalks and begonias beginning to sing But they’re singing to the carpet stretched across my floor Through the dust and blood […]


I was always mumbling It was very humbling To have people asking me “What?” With a look on their face as if I was smoking pot I’d never gotten high in my life Except that one time in Costa Rica with my wife The dope down there is pretty powerful stuff I met La Segua after […]